I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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