she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
