All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
