Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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