respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
