Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My balls are so social today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
