FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
