you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
