I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize