Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
