Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
