He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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