wanna go halves on a baby?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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