We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
