I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
