i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drake has all the answers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
