At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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