Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
