a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize