bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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