Need sex. Gaining weight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
