Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
