well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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