party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
