woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
