ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
