I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
