I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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