I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
