i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
