My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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