I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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