you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My ass is underappreciated
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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