Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
