Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
