weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
