When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
