is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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