I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
