you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
