sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
