She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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