It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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