For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
