i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
