is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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