So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forget how to act sober
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
