i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
