Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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