I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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