I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sext me about skeletons
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
