at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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