I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's blow job season.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
