The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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