i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
