I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
