I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize