just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
