Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
