I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
