I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
