I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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