Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
