you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
