my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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