Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
