I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lost the right to judge tonight
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
