I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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