I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
