girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
