he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
