I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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