My hand turned me down
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
