R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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