Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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