why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
