She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
