Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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