WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and she was petting her beer can
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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