Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
