saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
